My Bestfriend Peter Pan - The Notebook

Have you tried keeping diaries before?

I used to make diaries before. Even back in high school. I wrote everything that i think of. I wrote things that i see and appreciate. I wrote things that make me happy and even things that make me sad. It was where i found my solace. Writing was my escape. It made better. I poured everything what's inside me. Way back 1996, around twelve years ago, I was 17 years old then, I owned a simple notebook that served as my diary. I named it PETER PAN. Peter Pan was my very best friend. He knew everything about me. He knew who i am from the very start. He knew that i am special. He knew that i am different. He knew all things i can tell no one. I told no one then. It was Peter Pan who knew all these.

I was so afraid to tell the world about who i was but telling Peter Pan about my being was a relief. There were fears and hesitations. It was like living everyday telling yourself to become someone you're not. I can't tell anyone except PETER PAN. He knew all. He knew my frustrations. He knew my dreams. He knew my fantasies. He knew all my mysteries. Even my wildest dreams and sexual fantasies. He knew me from head to toe.

I told him about my desires, my admirations, my inspirations and my secret crush and my long time secret love. He knew it all. No holds bar. Everything about what i feel. But not all happy things Peter Pan knew about me. He knew too that i was child of pain. Peter Pan knew my griefs and my frustrations. I have been smart and intelligent. Consistent honor student from elementary to high school but i felt my parent never saw it in me. I felt they didn't like me the way they liked my older brother. Yes, they liked my older brother so much that i felt neglected and uncared. They let me stopped from college in favor of my brother though i know i can get scholarship. Something in me told me that i am great yet why can't I be supported. I had lots of frustrations. So many pains. So many worries.

There came a point in my life that i was tired of frustrations. I was exhausted from too much pain. I felt unloved. I felt I was out casted. I saw no more 'dreams come true'. I saw no more smiles. And it was time to give up and search for what i have long wanted far away from where i was at that time. And i turned to Peter Pan. He alone understood me. I wrote to him all these adversities. I made him the one and only "friend" to know about who i am and what i go through. I made my last letter. I was going far far away somewhere no one knew me. Somewhere I can be the person who i really am for I was not happy. I can't live a life of pretensions. I was crying the whole time i was writing it. I felt something inside me that said, i want to die. Even right now, i still remember how i terribly wept over those pains and anxiety. I wrote that letter knowing it was my last day. I was prepared to leave but uncertain things were boggling in my mind. Where were i going? Who am i to turn to? To uncertainty? What about my dreams? I was 17 then. So young to go somewhere i was not certain of what life ahead of me. Then......... I read back all the pages of Peter Pan. I felt I'm traveling back to my past. Funny that as i read each pages of it i realized how colorful my life had been. There pages that described how happy i was. There pages that told me about my dreams and who i'd like to become someday. These pages told me slowly that life is about a journey. Life is about a day to day voyage. That i must bear with it and not to escape from it. Peter Pan told me that my life was worth living and that there are great great things that life has in stored for me someday. And Peter Pan is right. From there, i didn't leave. I chose to stay and battle all my life's struggles. I did and i victoriously won. It was my last letter to Peter Pan.

Years had gone by. I am starting to live my dreams. To become successful and honorable. i started to live the life that i longed to live. Be independent. Be someone everyone look up to. It was all realized. Dream came true. I began my busy days. And busier days. And busiest days. Slowly, I was forgetting Peter Pan. I had forgotten my best friend Peter Pan - the Notebook. But in my heart, Peter Pan lives on. Because his pages were witnesses of my journey, of my dreams and of my desire to prove my worth. I lost him. Yes, I lost the notebook. But i never lost him in my heart. And now as i am writing this, i am missing him. I wish he is still here. I wish i can still write on his pages and tell him know that he was right about life's voyage. I wish he's still here. I know he'll be proud to see what i have become. A successful man. A man Peter Pan wants me to become.

I miss you Peter Pan. I miss your pages. I miss talking to you. I miss writing you. I miss you Peter Pan. I'll never ever forget you.